1332h; help me

i’m feeling so helpless because i’m stuck in this neverending dilemma. and it’s recurring… i’ve had it in my head for so so long……..

and everytime i feel like i’ll explode from guilt for thinking this way.. for wanting it..

1332h; help me

0001h; catch up or nahhh

ever since i started my internships, ive been sleeping before 12 so this timing now is considered way past my bedtime 😂

This evening i had a catchup session w my bæs – it was supposed to be a catchup session but it merely lasted 5 mins and the rest of the time was spent talking about bonds and deposits and adult things like that. Yeah it’s interesting and good to know but guys am i here to listen to you give a lecture of your perspective or am i here to catch up with the ongoings in your life…? Yeah i know we’ve all started working but im sure there are many other things to talk about…? Maybe it’s harder for u to separate your life from your work … i don’t know man. Or is this just me being selfish?

It was amusing watching your guys “bicker” though. Seeing when one person relents, when one person doesn’t want to back down…

Alright, i’m going to sleep. Goodnight.


0001h; catch up or nahhh


It’s half past midnight and i should be in bed and sound asleep by now. I actually really want to do that right this moment. But i feel that today is a day that i should remember many years from now.

I came to work today – so jovial and literally bouncing as I walk. I did my work and went for a ladies’ lunch where i got to meet many inspiring women who at the tender age of 30 or when they’re fully stable and everything decide to make the switch to do something worth their while. Do something that they see a problem that needs fixing, that they want to fix and that they want to start out and make a name for themselves. Hearing their stories and what they do/did really is eyeopening. And i absolutely don’t regret going for this luncheon even though it meant a burn in one of my pockets.

After the lunch, i did some work where i’m starting to feel normal in the company of my bosses and start to let myself show through. Like exclamations and sass (rolling my eyes) haha. It’s been a really fun, enjoyable and educational ride thus far and i’m so glad that i chose to do this even tho i could be doing something else that pays me 6x the amount i’m currently earning.

I asked to leave early from work so i could meet dr z and catch up with the rest. The rest meaning only tessa since everybody left when i came. It was such a good catch up and it feels like we won’t ever run out of things to say. And even if we do, it’s alright cos silences are fine between us (: and i chanced upon – ok not really, i just went into her blog a couple of minutes ago and it tugged at my heart. I’ve known she has a blog and her link is there but i’ve never clicked into it till today. Surprising, huh. (: i came across this post:

which was a year plus back but i’ just feel so ☺️☺️☺️ i cant believe we’re moving on with our lives and i’m so happy that one of us gets to pursue something we both love (: you do good, gurl.

Also catching up with the usual gang of dr z and sorain was the bomb. I love dr z and i cant imagien my life without him and sorain. Theyve made university so much more enjoyable, taught me life lessons, father figures, friend figures, people togo to when you need advice or reassurance. They are the bomb and im so glad i met them on FS.

Alrighty it’s 0041h lets hope my brain dont keep me awake with dreams or nightmares tonight especially cos i already had a few pints yaaa so i should sleep like the dead.

Goodnight lovelies.


Ohyesand i talked alot to veron today especially cos we’re going homethe same way and it was really good we clicked auite well (: i wouldnt have thought so before.


2312h; my first day

It was so unfamiliar. I’ve never interned at an office before so it’s allll prettttyyyy new. And the type of people i’d meet. And the terms and concepts i would learn. It’s a practical-based university man! And everyone there speaks with an accent – i feel slightly out of place. Didn’t know how contrasting it was till today and how different I was till today cos of #chineseprivilege #singlish but yes.

Overall, it went pretty well. I didn’t bring my laptop cos i was advised not to.. but i really needed it today. Anyhoo, it’s already 2316 and i really need to go to bed because i’ll be waking up at 0700 for my morning yoga stretches and take my time to get ready for work.

Tomorrow is also N’s birthday.

Happy birthday ❤ wish i could be there to celebrate with you

Alright, off to bed. Goodnight!


2312h; my first day

2320h; yo gurl gon start her first job tmrz

First day of work tomorrow- I’m quite nervous and scared. I don’t know what to expect- is it like the first day of school?? Apparently not. My sis giving me some advice now “if you don’t chiong, ppl will chiong”, “people don’t care about you; everybody is a little bit selfish”… first day awkwardness, who to lunch with – colleagues will bring u out.

Ahhhh and i’m just gonna wing it tomorrow. Brought my kanken- inside it is a notebook, a jacket, wallet, specs… yeah. Ahahaaha okay time to sleep cos I’m gonna wake up earlier for breakfast. Wa i confirm have social anxiety tomorrow, especially with so many caucasians or asians with an accent around me. Wish me luck!


2320h; yo gurl gon start her first job tmrz

0011h; grad lo.

june 12 – 21, 2018: grad trippin’ around thailand ❤

june 24 – 29, 2018: okinawa 

july 27, 2018; 2327h

hello, i wrote this entry last year when i had all the feels right within me to churn out a heartfelt thanks. i’m glad that the feels came last year cos i was too damn busy to pause and think about all the good things and the bad things that have happened. 2018, my last semester was the one of most emotional and mental growth – from near heartbreaks to finding faith to maturing my mind. 2017 – the year of my plenty overseas trips and the one time in uni i decided to leave my hair long for a semester taught me how to be a better, more appreciative person. 2016 – when i started to discover myself and when drama soon unfolded and learning how to cope with that taught me who to keep by and who to cut loose. 2015 – the time i made new friends because i was more involved with school stuff and my first overseas trip in university. 2014 – i was testing waters, i was unhappy and angry. but i stayed on and 4 years later, i walked upon that stage with my feet slicked with perspiration and praying i won’t trip over myself. thank you for my parents who sacrificed so much so that i could go to school and go on overseas trips. thank you for the friends who stayed by and the people i got to know. it truly has been life changing.

19 july 2018: commencement day


october 2, 2017; 2039h

for those who know me, you know that NUS was never and will never be my first choice of university, no matter how many times i turn back the clock. but for all the good and bad times it had given me, i’m grateful. as each year went by so fast and ended with their own eventful summers, each with their own unique tale to tell. these memories are gold and will be held close. thankful for all the people that came into my life during the first year and convinced me that staying here is for the best. staying here would push me beyond my physical limits, emotional and mental capacities.

there were times i got so depressed about being here that i couldn’t see a meaning to it and all these detours and long routes that i’ve been placed in. i was questioning myself so many times, sometimes asking my intimates — why, why does this happen to me; why couldn’t i have easily get into my dream school which will pave a smoother way for me to what i want.

the thing is, only after going through what NUS has brought me through did i realize what i truly want. joining muay thai, ODAC, participating in camps and OCIP, meeting new people, working at humble, subjecting myself to rural conditions & going on exchange (both where i met one of the best groups of people). being confused and getting confused was a daily thing; honest, up till a few days ago, i had no idea what i could do with my degree.

when i entered year 3 (with a bang cos of exchange), i was thinking about my future every day, hour, minute, second. i saw the people around me already striving and getting internships and stuff while here i am fumbling my way through it. i had no clue.  then came my $5000 internship — completely self funded by yours truly. people thought i was crazy, i thought it was a fucking good opportunity to learn conservation and diving (a skill i have wanted to pick up since year 1) and also, i wanted to continue to be overseas.

of course, now that i’ve entered year 4 with my underloaded semesters because yours truly has foresight and she can do so. i am a broke ass bitch. so while i haven’t been struggling with school and work, exchange has taught me well in terms of my time management and producing quality work ASAP. yeah, i feel tired and drained (especially during recess week, which wasn’t a recess week mind you) but when you gotta take responsibility for your actions, you gotta.

for all the distractions and detours you’ve led me through, thanks lah. it was worth and i appreciate all the shitty times and the unreal and mad times.

here’s goodbye — time to move on bitches!

the wind was too strong.. feared for my life

going places (:





0011h; grad lo.