2139h; hãppÿ õñ

F M Lthird day here and,
MY ENTIRE NAIL CAME OFF. 
And my very, very fierce thought was wow. For christ’s sake! I was mesmerized by the sight of blood overflowing my toenail, what’s left over it. Damn it. 
And then, my thoughts became more decent. Shit I should’ve worn a shoe. I won’t be able to go into the sea! What the… my toe has no nail which means i can’t paint my toenails until my toes FULLY RECOVER. Fml, why is it that these kind of things happen to me?? Something always gets messed/screwed up 🤦🏻‍♀️what a klutz. what a L O S E R . It has only been THREE days on the island and, TMR I’m going back to mainland. 
My life. Always. Has. To. Be. Messed. Up. And. Dumb.
SERIOUSLY! Why don’t I just have my life smooth sailing! Have I been cursed to born under an ungrateful ancestor?
And, when will I dive? how long does it take to recover? It’s gonna be so shit, showering and changing with this injury. I can’t play the victim. Be strong. -breathe- It’s not painful yet right? But yep, walking with a limb. Can’t even touch water for at least 2 weeks. Fuck. 
Evans was the first to ask What’s up when Emma went down to Amick. And. The first other person who came with first aid to check on it. 
But then, It could have been a lot worse. I thank God that I forced myself to shave my legs last night, the joint Amick gave me to soothe the pain, my friend (Emma) and the kid (Fern). I don’t blame her for this… here’s how my day went.
Oh yeah! I can kind of breathe properly now, no more cold.
And i spent my afternoon on the hammock, reading the dive book and swaying in the breeze. 
Around 1600h, i finished reading the book and was so happy to tell Amick about it. I was just chilling on my hammock, drinking water and looking at the sea view. As I was about to swallow my water, E. came by and asked about my date and me to her. She told me she was gardening and I asked if she needed help but had the nudging at the back of my brain, you know? 
So, I helped pick up stones from the beach, put ’em in the bucket and brought them up. On one of my last rounds, I picked up 2 huge rocks. And when i left the beach, one of it fell out so i rearranged it properly before carrying up the hill again. 
I placed both buckets on the stair and handed E. one of them. While i gave it to her, the rock from the other bucket fell right on it. My body moved back (could’ve saved myself!) and my big toe got hit the hardest. So my nail dangled off a small skin still attached. 
I felt slightly lightheaded since I haven’t had lunch and it was already late evening. So E. passed me a sweet and A. got cold water for me. A few seconds passed and I felt my hands go slightly numb, Evans came by with his own first aid kit. Wow seriously. In that moment, you’re still in my mind. Wow talia, your priorities.
A. was like okay, to kill the pain, i have beer or joint. And I was like, can I try some joint? We smoked a little together and then, he gave me the remaining, telling me to smoke it when it hurts like a bitch, especially the next day. And it’s lying beside me now, on my bed. Haha
Yerp, so that’s how i Tried my first joint AND had my toenail completely detached. It’s throbbing now. 
Many Khmer people came and went. Fern stayed and E. helped me out. Then the day went on as normal but I was a bit too chill and my mouth couldn’t speak properly and I had to drink alot of waterrr. 
I’m just sian that I can’t dive. ): god i pray for a really quick recovery ok!!

2139h; hãppÿ õñ

1058h; breaking down walls

last night, i laid in bed with my mind constantly whirring. it was keeping me awake – my fear was keeping me awake, reluctant to fall asleep. this june-july, i’ll be facing my deep phobia and a huge part of me wants to back out from this but a tiny little voice has kept me going, you won’t know what lies beyond these walls; what if you love it so deeply, wouldn’t you have regretted not trying? the same thoughts and feelings kept me in conflict. i’ve never felt such a tremendous fear and disinclination before but since everything else has been booked and settled, there’s no more time for me to sit here and whine about it.  i  just  gotta  go .  find out if what lies beyond is meant for me and what’s holding me back is nothing but my irrationality.

 

xx

 

 

1058h; breaking down walls

1440h; life works in weird ways. 

When you don’t plan on seeing each other, but you bumped into each other twice. Lel.

Both of you text half-heartedly; the plan to meet never seem clear. 

The car was waiting at the zebra crossing. You looked out the window. You saw this girl, in her blank crop tank, black high waist jeans, black branded bag, pink fluff shoes, long hair. She seems familiar. Then, it registered immediately, it’s her! 

You wound down the window and shouted her name. She took her first step onto the crossing, paused and looked around before our eyes met. That look of surprise and joy lit up her eyes and she started jumping in the middle of the road. You decided to open the door, without looking at the car behind and went to her. 

A huge, tight hug in the middle of the crossing.

Never thought you’d be so happy to see her. Neither did she. She was in her bimbo outfit and you in your hawker one but you spammed photos because, who would’ve thought that fate would bring you together like that? The other day, both of you were at orchard central but you just didn’t meet. 

And today, it happened. Not once, but twice.

After lunch, walking back to the car, you were about to cross the last lane. You walked up, turned your head to look out for the car and there, again, you see her. You called out her name and it takes her 3 seconds to register you before her again. Just like before, she jumped up and down (spazzed) and squealed. And we parted.

What a coincidence. 😂

1440h; life works in weird ways. 

1733h; A lovely bus ride.

Dear diary, 

I boarded the bus 67 today and had a really good and hearty conversation with a 70 year old indian uncle and a german lady who alighted early.

It all started with the german lady offering one of her new towels to the uncle cos he was shaking. She thought it was because of the air conditioner. Not going to lie, i don’t understand why buses in Singapore blast the air con on rainy days and turn it down when its scorching hot. He insisted it was okay and told us it’s cos he had Parkinson’s. 

Minutes into the conversation, we found out the uncle was going to India to pay his respects to his dad. And, the lady was rushing off to a tinder date, i hope she has fun today, make her friday worthwhile. She even went to decathlon to buy yoga mats and equipments just for the date. The uncle alighted at Mustafa cos he was going there to collect his air tickets to Kashmir. He lives alone in a flat and rented the two rooms to a Japanese and an Australian girl. They get along fine and they’ll miss him a whole lot when he goes to India for 2 weeks. 

He worked at a shipyard before. He was in charge of cleaning oil tankers and was earning $400 a day. Uncle, you rich! He’s 70 years old now but he’s still working as a cleaner at Bedok mall so that he keeps moving and his mind active even to his old age. Admirable. 

He gave me some advice on that too – fitness, health, not surrendering to old age just cos. 

A lovely bus ride back home. 

1733h; A lovely bus ride.