0931h; the 58th day of 2018.

It’s the 58th day and I realize I haven’t posted a new year resolution post! (I keep it all in my head.) So here it is …

  1. #keepsakefriends
  2. Don’t waste food
  3. Don’t shop for clothes/makeup unless necessary: event (graduation), when my own makeup runs out.
  4. Start prioritizing my health & progression > fitness. Start small, go slow. Don’t introduce toxins to your body.
  5. Get a job. hahhaha

I’ll add more to the list once I remember them.

On another note, February is coming to an end!! (Happy Chinese New Year) Tomorrow is the 28th. My February flies by like no other because…

Happy birthday to me. I am 23. And it was a birthday well spent.

I’m abit bummed wordpress don’t let me post my DSCO videos anymore. 

 

xx

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0931h; the 58th day of 2018.

1727h; goodbye boracay.

2 days ago, i tried yellow watermelon for breakfast for the first time. It was really sweet; sweeter than the reds. And i tried the red again and i realized, it doesn’t taste as bad as 5 years ago when i was 18 and had to do a dare with my friend who hated pineapples but had to eat it and me who hated watermelon and had to eat it. I concluded that watermelon or melons in general, are an acquired taste.

Today, while on flight from Boracay to Singapore, i decided to finish my watermelon in my food tray that the airline always serves (you know, with watermelon & peaches). And i finished it; even had my brother’s fruits cos he couldn’t finish.

At the start of last year, i couldn’t stand the taste and texture of soft eggs & raw salmon. Now, i’m eating 3/4 molten eggs and half seared salmon (only in Japan).

So proud of myself for trying (new) things and realizing it isn’t as bad as what my mind conjured up. Guess i’m growing up huh 😂

1727h; goodbye boracay.

2048h; home alone

what it feels like to be alone at home for the first time in months? or for the first time since craving my own space since i came back …

empty. weird. it’s too damn quiet around here.

sure ya i really like the peace but 1 person in this house? can it get any lonelier? this house suddenly feels too big for me. it most probably is. i’m literally only switching on marcus’ room light and the light outside. okay i gotta switch off my room light to save electricity. but ya. it’s too big

next time, i wanna live in an open loft. i don’t think i’ll need a legit stove. just something i can boil water on and maybe steam. dont need the fancy schmancy stuff. an island, a bed on the floor. wooden furniture. a fan. a vinyl. a fridge. aircon for those times i really need it. pretty curtains. pretty tableware. one wall of clothes. a work desk, a toilet. yep. simple. that’s all i need.

anyway, family has landed in boracay in the early evening. they said a typhoon will reach Philippines the same time i reach there. so whoop, exciting times. i know im pretty bummed i missed the black storm day in hk cos i went home one day earlier.

okay, now back to work … gotta print my briefing notes, research on stuff. yep. oh and im probably not going for thai makeup classes for one week hahaha ded. had listening thai 1 today … seriously why do they have to choose such similar names manoot and manoop? what the.

work work work,

 

xx.

2048h; home alone

0110h; 带走我的心跳💗

three hours ago, i spotted a red cap and my heart flipped. (coincidentally, i was blasting wang lee hom’s xin tiao.) i thought i saw you standing there at the bus stop opposite beauty world, with your head slightly bowed down as you stared at your feet. it couldn’t be, it can’t be. but a part of me wished so hard that it was you.

and that was when i realized i’m in real trouble.

xx

0110h; 带走我的心跳💗

2039h; New Year’s Eve

Well here I am again on this New Year’s Eve collecting my thoughts of 2017. Sitting at my desk, typing away with the rain pouring outside and sipping on a hot cuppa cocoa, enjoying this lovely last day of the year on my own.

screw it. 

yes, hi everyone. it is indeed new year’s eve and i’m here holed up at home typing away. (this is the most anticlimatic and boring nye eva.) the only thing i can thank for now is the weather for raining and making this day not as happening (but i doubt so). yes yes you guessed it right, i wish i had a party i could go to or just some friends to hang out with – sobs, loner alert – but nope, i’m at home all bathed and ready to snuggle! can’t even cuddle with n. but ok let’s not turn this into a ranting post because it is new year’s eve. let’s end it well, shall we?

so. 2017, what can i say? it’s been an  a m a z i n g  year! i loved every day every hour ever minute every second of it. all i been through all i done; whether it made me happy and carefree as i could have ever been or sad as fuck (or vulgar) – it was truly a year of self-discovery and learning and independence and freedom and EVERYTHING i could dream of having in my life. i found myself to lose myself to somehow find myself again and i found love. a love so torn by distance and uncertainty yet determined to bloom between the cracks. i’m so blessed this year. yes there were struggles and breakdowns and times where i feel so depressed and incompetent that noone could pull me out for days and yes it’s still lingering there in the back of my mind but challenging myself, resisting any urge to give up. doing all i can with what i have- just doing, has got me the opportunities i had — reaching out to prof wong, talking to hongkong’s CI general manager, sending in applications after applications to have gotten MCC (so easily) and then being able to dive, pushing myself to make the best poster i could and then realizing i can actually do it, i can do more than that, going for pole dancing and realizing it was so fun and i absolutely love swinging, applying for a winter-2018 internship and getting it and now i’m actually in charge of designing and managing their account. and to have new friends coming and definitely sticking on in my life and having old ones still hanging and supporting me especially during that medical scare. god, i’m so blessed. so so blessed. and i guess sitting here now in front of my computer typing away isn’t so bad after all.

i love 2017; i love you so much i wish i could restart this entire year and do everything again and again and again.

also, possibly because i know 2018 is going to be a bloody difficult year … haha

but of course, we can’t have it that way. it wouldn’t be fair. i got my 2017 because i worked for every bit of it. i sent in 4 applications because i desperately wanted to go on exchange, i got my courage to talk to prof to interact with him (something i have never done in my entire life) and i got that interview with her, i sent so many applications to have 1 reply to me saying ‘yes’ although a little too late and another saying ‘yes’ almost immediately. after 4 years, i got my advanced diving licence. i went on a trip immediately after coming back. i was going everywhere with the money i was blessed to have and now i’m working hard for to make 2018 just as fantastic as 2017.

to be unafraid. to be courageous. to be bold. to be patient. to be persistent. to be diligent. to be accountable. to be aware. to be loved and to love. to taste, to touch, to smell, to see, to listen.

everything.

i love you, 2017 and as much as i hate to say goodbye to you – because i’m utterly scared and helpless at the expectations and the pressures and basically, what’s  o u t  there waiting for me after graduation, i will say goodbye to you. but it won’t be the end because i won’t let it end. making 2018 as fabulous as the year i’ve had will be my goal. giving my all. in everything.

thank you 2017, you were such a great run. (‘:

so, tonight; i’m at home, all done with this entry and ready to snuggle up on the sofa, watching movies with mum.

have a great night despite the rainy weather everyone. tonight may not have fireworks but at least remember the year you’ve been through. whether it’s good or bad, it definitely taught you something.

and now, i’ll sign off and with a hand on my aching back and yoko feeling my nose, i’m gonna leave 2017 behind and welcome 2018 with severe lower back pain that won’t go away after 3 weeks. #2018 #aging #23on23 #hurrah #laoliao #ded

 

 

xx

 

p/s: oh ya this year i got more natural. like, my brows and my skincare everything, more fuss free. nice.

2039h; New Year’s Eve

2158h; i’m just, disappointed.

you knew, i was going to stay with you from when my work ends till when your work ends. that we’d be together for a couple hours. you know, i wanted to go out of my way to get you an acai bowl. so that i can see your face light up when you see me holding it out for you and you’ll be like, ‘OMGGGG’. then we’ll eat it together, watch youtube videos and chit chat the night away.

but no. that can’t happen because, you invited other people. maybe you didn’t invite them and they decide to come of their own accord. we both know we haven’t met up in ages, we both know who’s always the one wanting to appear on my instagram. then, what’s this?

when you asked me to come down for you, i dropped all tentative plans and put you first. including the projects, assignments and revision due the following week. i asked you, ‘was i the only one you asked?’ you said, ‘yeah’; last night you told me two others may come too. was i the only one who felt that this was just gonna be us? did you really need these other people to come down if you’ve been meeting them way more than you’ve been meeting me? did you actually want to see me? is my quality time with you not good enough for you that you have to have other people’s time as well?

and then you complained to me just the other day on how we’re not meeting, we’re ill-fated … sigh. i’m just disappointed, i guess?

this friday night wasn’t a promise but there was a certainty to it.

a certainty that only i thought was important enough that it would hold but you thought otherwise.

 

xx

2158h; i’m just, disappointed.