0215h;

Another 3 more days on the island.

The first month went by excruciatingly slow and once i started learning how to dive and things started between N. and I, each week has been flying by. The weekends pass the fastest. I love that weekend when it was storming and we both slept in.

Today, Mao cooked eggie bread with condensed milk for breakfast. She remembered! I’m so touched by this simple gesture. (:

0215h;

1848h

I did my second dive today. It was so fun and there wasn’t as much to be afraid of than the first dive. Somehow, during the first dive I was super scared and anxious. (Of death by drowning, you could say.) There were a couple of hiccups and things I had to get used to like, the cold, the water in mask. Underwent a mask switch underwater too right after I learnt how to empty the water inside my mask. I tried to do the buoyancy properly but I can’t really. I don’t know why my legs keep sinking down. Like, how do I get them afloat?? Amick helped me with that towards the end – he basically, held my legs up as we went over huge corals. But I saw starfish (amazing, good job Talia). Then Amick told me to hold the pillar of barnacles. In my head, i was like, no way i’m not gonna hold onto that shit which scratched me while i snorkeled the other day. No way. So, I basically held on a tiny bit HAHA. Then the boat came and i saw him and Ahmed!! Heh I really like Ahmed (: after the dive, I went swimming with Tessa while Zahra bathed (a lot of people here don’t understand the term ‘bathe’). And here I am now, chilling on a hammock. So sleepy, I wanna sleep. But it’s time for dinner. Ttfn. 

1848h

0758h; up before anyone else.

it’s tough.

a nail shouldn’t be bugging me this much.

but it’s tough,

knowing that i’m practically

trapped by my own body. 

and that, 

i’m useless 

on this island.

what i want is assurance 

but now, all i get is, 

words of sympathy and how-are-yous

you’re so brave! i wouldn’t do it by myself.
is there a reason for these unfortunate events to happen? 

0758h; up before anyone else.

2139h; hãppÿ õñ

F M Lthird day here and,
MY ENTIRE NAIL CAME OFF. 
And my very, very fierce thought was wow. For christ’s sake! I was mesmerized by the sight of blood overflowing my toenail, what’s left over it. Damn it. 
And then, my thoughts became more decent. Shit I should’ve worn a shoe. I won’t be able to go into the sea! What the… my toe has no nail which means i can’t paint my toenails until my toes FULLY RECOVER. Fml, why is it that these kind of things happen to me?? Something always gets messed/screwed up 🤦🏻‍♀️what a klutz. what a L O S E R . It has only been THREE days on the island and, TMR I’m going back to mainland. 
My life. Always. Has. To. Be. Messed. Up. And. Dumb.
SERIOUSLY! Why don’t I just have my life smooth sailing! Have I been cursed to born under an ungrateful ancestor?
And, when will I dive? how long does it take to recover? It’s gonna be so shit, showering and changing with this injury. I can’t play the victim. Be strong. -breathe- It’s not painful yet right? But yep, walking with a limb. Can’t even touch water for at least 2 weeks. Fuck. 
Evans was the first to ask What’s up when Emma went down to Amick. And. The first other person who came with first aid to check on it. 
But then, It could have been a lot worse. I thank God that I forced myself to shave my legs last night, the joint Amick gave me to soothe the pain, my friend (Emma) and the kid (Fern). I don’t blame her for this… here’s how my day went.
Oh yeah! I can kind of breathe properly now, no more cold.
And i spent my afternoon on the hammock, reading the dive book and swaying in the breeze. 
Around 1600h, i finished reading the book and was so happy to tell Amick about it. I was just chilling on my hammock, drinking water and looking at the sea view. As I was about to swallow my water, E. came by and asked about my date and me to her. She told me she was gardening and I asked if she needed help but had the nudging at the back of my brain, you know? 
So, I helped pick up stones from the beach, put ’em in the bucket and brought them up. On one of my last rounds, I picked up 2 huge rocks. And when i left the beach, one of it fell out so i rearranged it properly before carrying up the hill again. 
I placed both buckets on the stair and handed E. one of them. While i gave it to her, the rock from the other bucket fell right on it. My body moved back (could’ve saved myself!) and my big toe got hit the hardest. So my nail dangled off a small skin still attached. 
I felt slightly lightheaded since I haven’t had lunch and it was already late evening. So E. passed me a sweet and A. got cold water for me. A few seconds passed and I felt my hands go slightly numb, Evans came by with his own first aid kit. Wow seriously. In that moment, you’re still in my mind. Wow talia, your priorities.
A. was like okay, to kill the pain, i have beer or joint. And I was like, can I try some joint? We smoked a little together and then, he gave me the remaining, telling me to smoke it when it hurts like a bitch, especially the next day. And it’s lying beside me now, on my bed. Haha
Yerp, so that’s how i Tried my first joint AND had my toenail completely detached. It’s throbbing now. 
Many Khmer people came and went. Fern stayed and E. helped me out. Then the day went on as normal but I was a bit too chill and my mouth couldn’t speak properly and I had to drink alot of waterrr. 
I’m just sian that I can’t dive. ): god i pray for a really quick recovery ok!!

2139h; hãppÿ õñ