0931h; the 58th day of 2018.

It’s the 58th day and I realize I haven’t posted a new year resolution post! (I keep it all in my head.) So here it is …

  1. #keepsakefriends
  2. Don’t waste food
  3. Don’t shop for clothes/makeup unless necessary: event (graduation), when my own makeup runs out.
  4. Start prioritizing my health & progression > fitness. Start small, go slow. Don’t introduce toxins to your body.
  5. Get a job. hahhaha

I’ll add more to the list once I remember them.

On another note, February is coming to an end!! (Happy Chinese New Year) Tomorrow is the 28th. My February flies by like no other because…

Happy birthday to me. I am 23. And it was a birthday well spent.

I’m abit bummed wordpress don’t let me post my DSCO videos anymore. 

 

xx

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0931h; the 58th day of 2018.

1727h; goodbye boracay.

2 days ago, i tried yellow watermelon for breakfast for the first time. It was really sweet; sweeter than the reds. And i tried the red again and i realized, it doesn’t taste as bad as 5 years ago when i was 18 and had to do a dare with my friend who hated pineapples but had to eat it and me who hated watermelon and had to eat it. I concluded that watermelon or melons in general, are an acquired taste.

Today, while on flight from Boracay to Singapore, i decided to finish my watermelon in my food tray that the airline always serves (you know, with watermelon & peaches). And i finished it; even had my brother’s fruits cos he couldn’t finish.

At the start of last year, i couldn’t stand the taste and texture of soft eggs & raw salmon. Now, i’m eating 3/4 molten eggs and half seared salmon (only in Japan).

So proud of myself for trying (new) things and realizing it isn’t as bad as what my mind conjured up. Guess i’m growing up huh 😂

1727h; goodbye boracay.

0110h; 带走我的心跳💗

three hours ago, i spotted a red cap and my heart flipped. (coincidentally, i was blasting wang lee hom’s xin tiao.) i thought i saw you standing there at the bus stop opposite beauty world, with your head slightly bowed down as you stared at your feet. it couldn’t be, it can’t be. but a part of me wished so hard that it was you.

and that was when i realized i’m in real trouble.

xx

0110h; 带走我的心跳💗

1141h; “Ask me again in 5 years.”

Skip this cos it’s gonna be a little cringe-y. 

Been talking to N. for a few hours for the past 3 days straight. The days passed fast and the conversations we had were both bitter and sweet- not bittersweet. We were talking about all sorts of things from the sea festival to marriage and kids (absolute no-no for me) to trivial daily stuff like pimples and scars and makeup and food and clothes and love.I really like how it is now between us and I pray it doesn’t change.

After that really serious conversation, it got me thinking: why must love have a forever? why do people think of forever when you can and you should enjoy what you have now? isn’t now good enough? why are you expecting more? (when the other can’t deliver because s/he too afraid to hope and to promise like s/he did before). S/he is learning from past mistakes.

I think about so many things like work and school and graduation and masters and what the heck do i do after may 2018?! that I didn’t want this to be a priority even though i subconsciously hang it up in my head to remind myself. I don’t want to feed you with so much happiness that when it’s over because of circumstances and NOT not loving enough that I’d see you break. Kept telling you not to wait, move on if someone else better comes along… and when I try to say all that, I’m reminded by how my sister’s relationship ended. I’m the guy, this time round. But aren’t I thinking for both our sake?! Or am I just selfish…? Or am I scared?

I told oa that the person who proposes to me must know the songs I like and have it play in the background when it happens or at the wedding. Little by little, I’m realizing that the songs you know, the ones you’re learning to sing and the ones you like, are almost the same as mine.

Now, I still think we’re running parallel. I still think our worlds won’t meet no matter how much we try to pull them together. I still think, maybe, in another universe, I deserve you. 

xx

1141h; “Ask me again in 5 years.”

2330h; the plight of being female.

There were only a few times in my life – probably like 4 times – that I’ve felt so betrayed by my body. And 3 of them are related to being a female.

Last week, I suffered from back-breaking lower back pains. Nothing else, almost unbearable that I didn’t want to do anything for days. But even lying down in bed hurts like a bitch. Lying down, sitting up and I can’t even bring myself to walk. Squatting stretches it out and makes it hurt even more. For a few days, I resorted to yoga to increase flexibility and stretch out my lower back. It didn’t hurt at all for most of the poses and I felt like it wasn’t targeting the right zone anyway. That was until I had to curl up like a ball, with my legs up, feet in the air, tucked in with my head touching my knees. Oh god, I felt it good. It was so relieving. But, good things always come to an end; I couldn’t possibly hold that position forever.

Slowly, day turn to night and then to day, I applied yoko all over my back and my wrists – because for some reason, both my wrists decided to act up at the same time. I was an old woman. That was until Tuesday I think, when the pain weakened. I knew it was coming, I was wondering when it would honestly cos it usually comes 2 days after my moodswings … Well anyway, when it came, oh my god, I felt so exhausted. It’s not like I was bleeding super heavily but I didn’t want to think, didn’t want to move, didn’t want to do anything. Except talk to N. But even I wasn’t in the mood to explain English to him. haha

It’s day 3 and it’s much better now. It’s back to normal. Dull aches but nothing that bothers me. Jeezus, I gotta stop being such a slob and exercise more regularly if I don’t want to encounter this kind of shit again. My body is always screwing with me.

Okay, that’s all. You’ve read through my female woes. 😛

 

xx

2330h; the plight of being female.