Out of Control.

It’s just a 3D2N supposedly disconnect “vacation” from technology for abit. But here I am, laying on Mama’s bed with my laptop, typing away and sounds from Channel 8 TV filling the air. Dream Makers 2. I don’t believe I watched the first season. Been a slave filial granddaughter for the day and followed my grammy to the hospital and then to the market to buy salted vegetables, pork ribs, tomatoes etc. to make kiam chai teng today.

Was watching another show which had a scene relating to old age and the death of friends with every passing reunion. Imagine the future now, being old, being inconvenienced by your worn out joints, panting within 10 minutes of walking to the bus stop … it’s scary isn’t it? Especially since what you put into your body when you’re young will definitely affect your health in the future. Then, what I’m saying now is, what’s scarier than that would be when you can’t die together. With your family or your friends. A tad morbid. But I just can’t help thinking about being so close to someone and talking to them at a reunion and then within the next year, they’re no longer here. In the next reunion, the inevitable mention of their passing and maybe even an empty seat. How would I feel? What is it like on the other side? When will I join them? It’s not that I think life should be brought back from the dead as in Victor Frankenstein the movie. Rather, why can’t we just all die together?

I know it’s unfair to take life away from those who are actively pursuing it or have actually found their happy place. Would you prefer if time stood still during the happy moment, take away your pain during the suffering period or live on with whatever’s going for you with the additional memory of a recent death? Maybe my sentiments are too extreme, maybe I’m just selfish, afraid and most of all, a coward. Maybe, just maybe, I wish life & death do not come whenever they want to and be something out of my control.

xx

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Out of Control.

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