Do you think you’re all that – treating your friends like your best buds one instant and the next you’re acting like you would rather not know them? You’re out there trying to make a fortune & I will never be able to understand it until I do so myself. Do you know how to separate work from life? You’re ageing faster than you know. By the time you’re successful, so what? The money in the world can’t buy you the time you lost. Maybe it’s just me who sees it this way. Truthfully though, turning into a complete “man” (for the lack of a better word) and being so… so extreme in your emotions, it’s kind of scary to watch and to be one of those people experiencing it. Yeah, you’re going through a struggle. Everyone goes through them, at different intensities and pace. If you can’t handle what you’ve been given, don’t just bottle it up, act tough and use speed as your escape. Do you not remember your friends? Do you not remember that you’re only twenty?
On another note, HHN5 wasn’t as good as I thought. It was shocking but I didn’t feel scared. Maybe getting overly excited about it during the months before and paying so close attention to detail… maybe I have been desensitized… That would be hard news to take. I don’t ever want to not feel scared and excited by these things. Taking away this part would be robbing me of myself. In those moments, I felt alive. Pretty weird, I know. I mean, who gets a huge boost from the heart by scaring yourself?
But that’s me. And I never want to lose it. I never want to lose myself to Solemn. I never want to be the person people think I am just by looking at my social media. I never want to lose laughing and joking and being childish and immature. I never want to lose being Happy.
It’s 2:09am. I think it’s time to hit the hay.