It’s been a long while since we caught up to each other. I felt this growing distance between us both over the past year or so. And I thought, maybe our time is up? We’ve gone through years together, so perhaps Life decided that it was long enough and that this lack of connection was just meant to be. I mean, friends grow apart – some stay in your life forever, some just drift away and disappear; only to remain as a childhood/adolescence memory. We had many disagreements and great annoyance I felt on my side (I don’t know about you). It was getting too intense and sometimes I just want to stop, give up trying to salvage this relationship and move on, move away. Since we have completely different personalities and viewpoints, it gets hard to relate and often, our whatsapp conversations are left hanging so that my angry self wouldn’t say things I didn’t mean (at least this was what I felt).
Many times, I felt like I was trying so hard and you were just being your usual butterfly. It takes two hands to clap, two people to make a relationship work. So, why weren’t/didn’t you seem like you were trying?
I thought to myself, the only things holding us together were the strings we built with the same people over the years. I thought, it was only these strings and nothing else – no other topics we could speak openly about, everything was simply used up overtime. For me, we had our share of crossroads. We took a couple of steps back whenever we took a step forward. I thought, it was the end. I was worried initially. I didn’t want us to disappear. Yet, recently, I’m all ready to accept the end because it seemed inevitable.
When we went out for dinner today and then on to our hangout, I was scared we couldn’t converse. But then, it felt like nothing changed at all. You were you, and I was me. We just talked about our lives now. Hearing about yours and talking to you about my uni life felt so good. The usual comfort. It became easy. We had a balance I had forgotten about. The irritation we felt towards each other over social media, it wasn’t there anymore. The growing silence I felt between us, that awkward distance, it disappeared. And I was happy. And thankful. Maybe it was just a rough 2 years… maybe it’s a part of growing up.
I don’t know about you. I don’t know how you felt. But I surely felt a change between us for some time now. And words, no matter how hard I try now, can’t encapsulate my feelings for this evening. Though, it was a last minute dinner-dessert-study plan, it was, at the same time, one of those game changes in Life that determined where we go from here on. I’m so glad we got through it.