A couple weeks ago, I partnered up with my friends over at Closet Mugger for a shoot for their 4th collection. It was my first time actually modelling and working with a photographer or someone who knew how to work the ‘angles’ and lighting. I was so nervous, I thought I would just freeze and die. Clammy hands, sweaty pits, shaky legs – the works. Then, I reminded myself that everyone’s gotta start somewhere. Comforting myself with the thought that it was the photographer’s first time too and that I’ve been taking photos for fun out of interest, it somewhat partly calmed my distressed self.
When I realized that the clothes didn’t fit properly cos I was either too petite or it just didn’t fit me at all even when I tried my best, I was further demoralized when my other friend was working it like no other. Not only was she blessed with a model-esque stature, she had experience and looked really good in photos. To compare myself to that felt so horrible. I became uptight and paranoid about the poses and I blamed the clothes. Eventually, I figured that since it was my first shoot after all and thankfully it’s with friends, I could become more of myself and just have fun and not take things too seriously. When I got over my paranoia, the clothes became easier to model. I was no longer finding fault with the clothes. Rather, I was interpreting the clothes as to how I usually would. Trying to find ways to wear the outfits rather than let it wear me. I no longer compared myself to the other model since both of us are very different anyway. Basically, we’re two people with unique traits and good angles. Why did I even try to compete when I could have worked things out my way? Appreciating your differences, acknowledging your flaws and accepting all of it, it’s the first step to becoming you and for me, it’s the first step in this path I’m on.
Tomorrow will be my second photo shoot. It’s one with a different feel. It’s no longer about the clothes this time but about me. To some of you, this may sound rather shallow, but taking photos and posing are interests of mine. Hopefully, I would’ve learnt from my first shoot and not be overwhelmed by anything – the weather, the photographer, the other …
So glad I’m finally able to get this off my chest. I mean, it’s been weighing on my mind for ages and to recognize it… it just feels good! I guess, in whatever you do, as long as you don’t let your mind stop you from having a good time, you’ll find joy in even the simplest and tiniest of activities.